IN LOVING MEMORY OF Brenda Reiff

Today was an opportunity I had to share my thoughts at Brenda Reiff's Celebration of Life Service.  I met Brenda Reiff about 4 years ago.  She was a resident in St Francis Nursing Home where my Mother in Law was living.  I used to visit with many of the residents there, especially because I noticed that so many residents had no family or friends and spent much of their days alone.  

Living in a nursing home is a challenge both for the resident and family members.  I had no idea when I first met Brenda, how entwined our lives would become.   Most people are forgotten when they move into a nursing home.  Many of these residents appear to be helpless people lying in bed or sitting in a wheelchair sleeping.  Nameless individuals who feel forgotten and are just waiting for life to end.   I didn’t feel this way when I walked into Brenda’s room for the first time, I saw artwork on her wall and thought, WOW, she is an artist.  

Then later when I went to visit Dr. Reiff in his home, and I saw the pieces of sculpture and other forms of art, and all the different media types, I realized, SHE WAS A FANTISTIC ARTIST.  She was definitely someone who not only made her mark in the field of art, but as Dr. Reiff shared with me, she was a teacher and shared her talent all over the world with people of all ages.    She was someone who fought for legislation to help provide classes for special needs children and she blessed them into adulthood and helped them to find their way.  She was a true spirit of what humanity should strive to be.

When visiting with Brenda she could communicate very well, but not with words but she spoke volumes with her beautiful eyes.  Yes, she was a real communicator and always made me feel that she was happy to see me.  I used to bring her stuffed animals or balloons and cards.  She let me know what colors she liked, and when I would guess wrong, she wouldn’t let me give up, Nope, I had to get it right.  I sat and watched TV with her a couple of times, she could run the remote better than my husband, and he is pretty handy.  

One of my favorite memories was in 2019.  It was Brenda and Ted’s 62nd wedding anniversary and we celebrated it in style. The room was decorated with colorful balloons, and we brought her a bouquet of flowers; there was fresh fruit and a wedding cake; and music: Susan and Erin Hines played a special cello piece for the happy couple and Eric honored his parents with a tune on his violin.  They were a vision, the perfect couple, Brenda wearing a veil and a crown, and Ted dressed in his best suit complete with boutonniere.  The sounds of the celebration brought many residents and staff to her room, all giving the bride and groom their best wishes.  The small room was filled well beyond fire code capacity with people wanting to celebrate their anniversary and wishing them both many more.  That was an exciting and fun-filled day for everyone as Brenda beamed with joy and thanked everyone with her beautiful smile.

But it wasn’t all fun and games, trust me Brenda was the center of attention when it came to Ted.  He did everything to make sure that Brenda received the proper care that was required.  There were notes in the room over her bed and on the walls on what she needed as well for the staff who “forgot” or were new in helping Brenda.  He also followed up with emails – he was her Superhero.  

As a retired Doctor, they could not put anything past him, and he knew their jobs better than they did.  During Covid, the staff made it very difficult for Dr. Reiff by making him find his way on the grass behind the entrance, to peer through a window from his wheelchair to get a glimpse of Brenda so she would know he was still there for her.

At one point when the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services rules were updated to "allow visitation", I quickly wheeled Dr. Reiff down the hall past the "check in" desk to Brenda’s room.  We got in to see Brenda, but the staff was furious, they said they didn’t have to follow the rules, but we stayed anyway.  Brenda’s eyes sparkled with delight as we were not going anywhere, and she could tell it was getting exciting when they told us we were going to be arrested.   They even called the police on us!  Yeah, Dr. Reiff and I were a regular “Bonnie and Clyde” the day we broke into the nursing home. I consider it one of my greatest achievements!

In all honestly, Brenda and others like her who are residing in nursing homes need the public to be made aware of lack of staffing which leave their residents abused, neglected and dying.  These residents, much like Brenda, led full lives and deserve proper care.  Brenda is a shining star and example of those who need to be remembered, and she left this world with a variety of legacies.  Her beauty as a model, a teacher, helping young disabled children who might otherwise be forgotten by fighting to get the laws changed in California, a talented artist, being a wonderful mother and wife, but most of all her willingness to give to others.  So many people who have contributed to society as veterans, teachers, doctors, musicians are sitting in nursing home facilities with no one to speak for them.  Not everyone has a Superman like Dr. Reiff to speak for them.  

Brenda was one of the many individuals I met who inspired me to start my organization Dignity for the Aged.   It’s hard to believe that one person can make a difference, but she did because I took the time to get to know her,  I looked into her  amazing eyes and saw what she was saying.  They need our voices, and I encourage you to join us, in honor of Brenda and others like her who need us to speak for them so they can live with the Dignity they deserve.  Go visit someone and take time to look into their eyes and see what I saw in Brenda’s.

I’d like to finish by quoting a scripture from the Bible that says it best.

Proverbs 31: 8, 9.  :  “speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Speak up and judge fairly, defend the rights of the poor and needy.